Friday, January 1, 2010

I need help...

Man I thought I was going to be able to handle my daughter when she got older... or at least handle the day boys came knocking on the door.

Well that day has arrived and I handled it poorly. Let’s just say I made an ass out of myself.

My question to all parents or girls that have lived through it is this: how did you handle your daughters through their boy days and keep her out of trouble and keep her mind focused on school and not boys.

The last thing I want to do is force my daughter into a boys arms by saying she can't talk to him or trying to control everything she does and who she does it with...

I know I raised her right, but all teenage girls I have ever know, judge themselves by the attention they get from boys... and that leads to being manipulated. Every teenage boy learns to use that to his advantage to get what he wants and you know what that is...

I realize I am not ready for this and hope I don't make the wrong decisions. And advice from anyone who has been there, or raised a child through the horrible 4 years of high school will help a great deal.

thx for your time.


  1. I don't have an answer. My daughter's 16 and a sophomore and I have some frustrations of my own. Even if I had the answer, it probably wouldn't help you; each child is different.

    I can tell you that, when I'm frustrated, I remember that I raised her to be her own person, that she's a remarkable individual with more judgment and capability than I sometimes give her credit for. Making mistakes is part of growing up. As long as I remember the goal is to help her get the life she wants rather than to just be obedient, I think I'm working toward the right goal. I'm going to have to trust her at least a little, even when its hard.

  2. I wish I could help, but my daughter just turned 9. I just hope she has enough of a sense of herself to know what's best for her. She has to learn from her own experience, and what she needs most from you is a listening ear, without judgment. Very hard for many men, but not impossible. Remember, though, that her "boys" are replacements for you, and the less she has to replace, the less dependent she will be on them. She needs you to love her no matter what, and she needs to know that as clearly as possible.

  3. Wow, great advice...

    that is what i needed to hear.

    thx so much.

  4. Oh man. :( So sorry. I guess it depends on also the personality of your daughter. For example, those who rebel, if you tell them not to do something, they will on purpose. It's hard especially at this age but my best advice is to talk to her calmly and be open, and ask her to be the same way to you. Also reminders help too.

    Good luck! :)

  5. You know, a kid doesn't change when they hit that teen-age. They're still the same wonderful person you raised. You need to trust that. The minute you worry about it, it shows as distrust to them.

    Think back, if you can, to when you were her age... the worst thing was to be judged by a parent, or interfered with. If you're trusted, and believed in, you'll be okay.

    And the truth of the matter is; although the newspapers and looking down the high street may make it seem like all the kids are now drug and sex craved lunatics, the truth is - they can be as wonderful, wise and good as ever, if only they're trusted.

    Chill out, be happy - and have open conversations with her. Rather than "who is that boy? what is he doing?" - say "That David seems interesting, tell me more about him.." - be on their side :D

  6. Oh I am sure you did fine. My dad was super over protective and he would walk around with a golf club or baseball bat when boys were over. He called them names, rude but not nasty and I had to have supervised or group dates for a long time. I was out of high-shcool before I had sex and I am married to the second person I had sex with and we have been married 12 years. The only thing I would stress is to really treat your wife well so your daughter feels she deserves that. My dad was a great guy but he was very passive with his affection. I didn't realize how much I needed that until I married a super passive man.

  7. wow thx all, i will put your advice into action.

  8. Hey Jeff!

    I am a mother to 2 teenage girls (15 and 16), and it is very hard to figure out exactly what to do in certain situations.

    I did make mistakes during their lives. I did forbid them to talk to certain boys, and of course that just made them want to talk to them even more. My girls were really rotten when they first hit the boy age...but, I've figured things out, and now they are pretty good kids...and they actually listen to my opinions now.

    I've come to learn that all I have to do is voice my opinion, explain the good and the bad and let them choose their own path. Now, that's not to say that I will let them go out on a date with a bad boy, it just means we negotiate. We come to an agreement together so that we both have our ways. No dates with the bad boy, but he can come to the house to visit as long as I am there AND he will follow MY rules.

    These girls will make mistakes as they are growing up...I think it's ok for them to make the little tiny ones, so they can learn....BUT we have to keep them from doing the BIG ones...WE have to guide them and let them know what we approve of and why...WE have to let them know what happens when mistakes are made, and the consequences that will happen...We need to show them examples of this also.

    My 16 almost 17 year old had recently said that she couldn't wait to get married and have babies...that blew my mind! I have preached college over and over...did I get upset? yup...did I show it? nope...I formulated a plan...heh heh....When my daughter came home from school on Friday, I told her she had a job, and I took her to my friend's babysit, a toddler! Yup, that worked.

    The most important thing is to be open with your daughter...tell her your worries, and she'll tell you hers. Kids these days know everything that we don't want them to know by the 6th grade..some even know things that we don't...true story.

  9. awesome advice, you can bet i'll put it to use...

    thx again.