Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Rewrite of first page...

I've been struggling to keep my pace going, and yet, get the essentials down. Give it a read if you will, and let me know what works or doesn’t work.

On a side note, I have determined to do what it takes, and never give up on my dream… even if it takes the rest of my life. I thank everyone who has been a part of my development. I hope it isn’t too much to read, thx either way.

                                                         Chapter 1

Removed... Thx for the ones who offered opinions.


  1. Hi John,
    I sent you an e-mail about your post. Thought it was too long to write in the comments section. Hope it helps. Merry Christmas and a happy New Year.

  2. I'm intrigued!

    A few of the commas seemed out of place to me, but that's nit picky. I think you've done a nice job of showing Tristan's character, and setting up for an action-packed story.

  3. Jeff,

    I hope you have a wonderful 2011, pursuing your dreams...

    I sent you an email. :)

  4. Hey Jeff, I hope you're still chugging along with that manuscript! Happy new year to you and your family.

  5. Happy new year, Jeff. I miss your more frequent posts. I was glad to hear you have recommitted.

    I don't know where you've posted your writing, so I don't know where to go to read it. I probably would not be much help to you anyway.

  6. I missed it, but I hope the feedback you got was helpful, and I hope the writing's going well!