Revised First Page critique… thx to all the great points, I feel it has moved in the right direction. I thank each and every one of you for leaving a comment. If you haven’t read the post before this one (First page critic) plz read that one first before leaving a comment, and tell me if you agree, that this version is better and follows the subject or focus the reader attention better.
Valley of Swords
REMOVED... THX again to all those poeple that left a comment.