Thank you all. The advice from last time paid off BIG TIME!
I really appreciate all the advice you give me. It has helped me see flaws, overcome fears, enhance the feel of my work, and best of all—it made my story stronger.
Give this page a read if you will. It means a lot to get this just right, this scene should make you sit up and take notice.
If you don't want to give an in-depth answer, just say: poor, good, or great... or: I would stop reading, or: I might turn the page, or: I would definitely turn the page.
DELETED........THX FOR YOUR HELP.