Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Does this do anything for you?

Please give this a read and tell me if this works for you at all, does it come through, or is it lame.

Removed... thx for your comments


  1. I'm curious about what is going on in this scene...I think you can tighten up your words when you get to the revisions stage, but keep you goal of not doing too much editing while you are initially writing your manuscript.

    (I hope he gets the sword...and saves his mum.)

  2. I like it so far, although it seems to be out of my usual genre/taste. But I do get a sense of time and place - good. I do get a sense of plot moving forward - also good.

    I really liked the line about examining the room in small slices - well said!

    The idea of the pact-coin in his hand-becoming hot-vanishing: this is intriguing and shows tension, raises suspense.

    Keep at it - looks like this could be a helluva joyride :)


    There are a couple typos - which I'm sure you'll catch in later revisions (there are always some that slip through the cracks... arghhh!)

  3. I make more mistakes than successes... but I push on.

    I should have stated this takes place around page 36.
    Thx for the input.

  4. I really like it. The first paragraph could probably be reworded but you can do that later. I would totally read it :)

  5. I haven't said anything because I don't want to be discouraging.

    It could be simply that it's not the kind of book I would read. It could be that it's in the middle of the book and I don't know what it's tied to, because I don't have any link to the characters.

    It just isn't working for me.