Writing is a curse, it pulls you in so you can find peace in your work. it never is good enough, life has no time for writing. It's hard to explain, life seems to revolve around the quest to finish a project but when searching for perfection, you move backwards more often than forwards.
the closer i get to my goal, the farther i get from what i desire. making a compelling book with no boring parts and a story you want to never end. my skills do not fit my ideals, my passion over runs my schedules or plan. i can't except failure but yet failure is what i have done. half way through my book i felt on top of the world and all doors were opening up for me. 95% done and i feel cut off and alone and insecure of what i have made/written. every word seems froth with hesitation, second guessing every plot twist or resolution. wondering if i have written enough and yet need to do more.
the best thing i could compare it to is climbing a tall mountain. you train and set goals prepare for the challenge, half way up you feel good and you dreams seem in reach. once you almost reach the top you just want to get it over and get back down, i hope i feel the happiness and excitement of standing on top of that mountain. maybe then i will think it was all worth it.
thx for reading....