Posts
I decided to take a break, kind of tired but wanted to post this up and ask if you think this setting works.
Now if it sucks, or is not enough, or too much, please tell me. Don’t worry about my feelings; it is more important to learn what works and what doesn't. In my head I already see this, so it will help to get an idea if you can see what I am seeing. Or even if you like it…
"The mass of students worked their way to the ships, under the rapidly fading light. The sun sat half swallowed by the expanse of the ocean. Scattered clouds absorbed the orange glow and appeared to dance like flames in the purple tinged sky. Long shadows of palm trees stretched across the half sand, half grass landscape. The wind gently blew on his neck sending chills erupting in Goosebumps down his back."
I already talked about the ships and where they were and what they looked like. Also I tried to edit this but I am seeing cross eyed, so plz forgive me if there are a lot of mistakes… I know it is hard to judge with it being right in the middle of a subject, but i didn't want to post the whole page. Maybe i should have, either way do your best.
thx
One other question if you wouldn’t mind answering.
My book is set during the Middle Ages, yet I wonder how I should use the dialoged. Such as what kind of terminology I should use for Time, weights and measurements or how true to the area I should be, as far as language or dialect?
I feel I should use semi modern terminology, or commonly used words to help the reader understand or connect to the book easier. What do you think?
Like using hours and minutes instead of sun dials or scaphe dial.
Or measurement in feet and miles instead of digits, stadion, cubit and Schoinion.
You get the idea.
Thx for your time.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
The setting seems fine to me (although I didn't understand the half-grass, half-sand bit. What does that mean. Sandy with patches of scrub? Areas where the grass has been removed for whatever reason?). I liked the description of the sky.
ReplyDeleteAs for measures, there isn't an easy answer. A problem in that time frame is that there were dozens of measures and they changed form nation to nation, even county to county. For Sword and Sorcery settings, I tend to use non-specific measurements: paces, handspan, days ride, etc. I also tend to focus on comparitive sizes, half a head taller, etc.
For science fiction, I stick with strictly metric.
great advice.
ReplyDeleteas far as the half sand, half grass lanscape. i just wrote it how i saw it but i agree it doesn't make sense, now that i read it...
It would be an ocean backdrop with a sandy beach leading up an embankment to where sand faded into dirt and grass, the area I was referring to would be the space between the two contrasting textures where grass is interwoven with the sand.
Maybe it should be like this:
"Long shadows of palm trees stretched across the grass speckled dune.”
Or
“Long shadows of palm trees stretched out like fingers on the landscape.” (Maybe this one would be best, because I feel the landscape or look of it should be clear in the readers mind by now.)
I love advice feel free to leave your personal take on the passage,leave any comment you see fit, my feeling can't be hurt.
thx
I actually liked "grass-speckled dune"
ReplyDeleteI like it!
ReplyDelete"The mass of students worked their way towards the ships, under the rapidly fading light. The sun sat half swallowed by the expanse of the ocean. Scattered clouds absorbed the orange glow and appeared to dance like flames in the purple tinged sky. Long shadows of palm trees stretched across the grass-speckled dune. The ocean breeze gently kissed his neck sending chills erupting in Goosebumps down his back."
ReplyDeleteI am most likely going with this draft. Of course it might change on the second draft, but for now it will do. Plz leave feed back if you would like, I never turn down advice in any form. And welcome advice at any part of the evolution of crafting said story.