First page rewrite—100th attempt.

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Ok it’s not my 100th attempt, but it feels like it.


Please give it a read and tell me what you think.

The readers who have read my other “first page “attempts plz add if you think this is going in the right direction.

I have put a ton of thought on your last suggestion, on how to make my first page stronger. Hopefully it hits the mark!!!

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  DELETED.... THX FOR THE COMMENTS!!

Tagged...

I was tagged several times, about the same topic… so I decided to participate.




Do you think you’re hot?

Absolutely!!






Upload a picture or wallpaper that you’re using at the moment.

One of the few pic i have of myself... on my computer anyway.


When was the last time you ate chicken meat?

Last night…

The song(s) you listened to recently.

I listen to audio books… no music if I can help it. If I do, its old rock or modern country.


What were you thinking as you were doing this?

How I am going to fix chapter 23…



Do you have any nicknames? What are they?

I was called Hulk when I was younger, probably because of my temper. Now, most of my friends call me King, or Kingster

I was tagged, but I won’t tag anyone… if you have read this and think you would like to participate—well consider yourself tagged.

Thx for reading...

a long read

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Kind of a long read, but if you will, give it a read and tell me what you think. If you don’t want to invest the time I understand… I thank you either way.

Intro: Tristan is fighting a student rival (a real prick), who insulted his pride. Here at the academy its grounds (more like mandatory) to fight to the death... or in the worst case yielding like a coward.  Their fighting at “the pit” it’s a large square filled with sand, surrounded by grass side hills where the spectators get to watch. Tristan’s original plan was to make Clint submit, he didn’t want to kill Clint… but plans change!

A little blood, so the faint of heart, be weary.

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DELETED.... Thx for all the comments!!!

superstitious

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I never realized how sentimental or superstitious I am about my keyboard… until today.


Half the letters are worn off my keyboard, and I thought replacing it was NO BIG DEAL right?

After buying a new and much better keyboard, I just couldn’t go through with replacing my current one. At least not yet! Maybe once my WIP has been fleshed out and I have moved on… then I might be able to retire this keyboard, for now, I just used fingernail polish to keep this one alive—until I see that day come true.

How about you, have you ever been attached to a computer, typewriter, keyboard or some other form of writing instrument or implementation?

Plz share… thx for stopping by… I love you all—you know that right?



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can’t post using Goggle account

EDIT!!! If you are having a problem posting with your Google account, where you get stuck in the loop of death, where it asks you repeatedly to sign in—over and over again. Just uncheck the "keep me signed in" box. And that will fix the issue... at least for now!


I can’t post using Goggle account, so if some of you don’t allow for anonymous post, I won’t be able to post on your blog until Goggle figures this out… they “say” their working on it, though it’s been a week already.


I just wanted you to know, so you don’t think I have stoped visiting your blogs… thx for stopping by.

Oh-yeah, I have moved past my mental block, and I am moving forward… things are looking up. Thx to everyone who has left a comments on my blog. You and your advice have helped me a great deal… I wouldn't be where I am at without you!!!

If the good writing continues, I should be done with my second draft this weekend (thx the heavens) I’ll be starting the third revision sometime next week, this time I’ll focus on brevity, flow and (hopefully) minor issues.


... thx again ...

Good Reads

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Just finished Brandon Sanderson’s Mist Born Trilogy and I must say it was really good.


I am now reading Cassandra Clare’s, City of Bones: her first book in The Mortal Instruments trilogy. I am half way through the first book and like it quite well.

Both the series have a girl, soon to be woman as the MC, and if you like action and a great story you might want to give them a read.

I tried to write something else, besides the second draft of my novel, and I couldn’t do it. It felt like I was cheating on my wife. It felt like I was betraying all the characters, leaving them to die.

So, I can’t move on… that means I hope I find out (Somehow, by revelation or some other kind of miracle)  what’s holding me up SOON. All I need is one chapter to tie in both halves of my story… I have waited weeks, and I have tried writing several drafts of this chapter-- to end up just trashing them. I have spent hours going over the story and plot in my head every night before I go to bed, but nothing I come up with feels write, it might be good writing but it just doesn’t fit somehow (wish I knew why). Sorry to rant, not really making any sense… just felt better to vent, thx for indulging me!



What books have you read lately that you would recommend.

I’ve been out of town working, with little to no internet access, so I am sorry if I haven’t been able to keep up with your blog… I’ll do my best in the future to do so.

I really appreciate all the comments you leave, they DO help me become a better writer.

Thx for any comment you might leave, it will not fall on deaf ears.



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Struggling

I’m struggling on my second draft. I have rewritten chapter 10 several times, and every time it just doesn’t work. I am in a funk right now... hopefully it will pass.

Plz feel free to share your “funk” stories.


I just wanted to highlight a few bloggers out there, thx for stopping by.




Rachel McClellan at http://blackbirdinmywindow.blogspot.com/ is doing a critic of the first 3 pages of your manuscript. So swing by and enter if you want some feedback on you WIP.

Shawna Railey at http://sycamoremeadows-myjourney.blogspot.com/ gave me a blog award, her blog rocks so go check it out… thx.

Thx for the award, but I just might be setting my manuscript on fire...lol.


And the world turns...

Page 57...

Thank you all. The advice from last time paid off BIG TIME!


I really appreciate all the advice you give me. It has helped me see flaws, overcome fears, enhance the feel of my work, and best of all—it made my story stronger.

Give this page a read if you will. It means a lot to get this just right, this scene should make you sit up and take notice.

If you don't want to give an in-depth answer, just say: poor, good, or great... or: I would stop reading, or: I might turn the page, or: I would definitely turn the page.


DELETED........THX FOR YOUR HELP.

Catchy Name

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I need a catchy name for the military academy my MC attends. Any ideas will help, so far the best I can come up with is: Brunswick Military Academy.


I want something bold, yet rolls off the tong… any thoughts?

Any comment you might leave will be appreciated... thx for your time.

Revised First Page critique…

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Revised First Page critique… thx to all the great points, I feel it has moved in the right direction. I thank each and every one of you for leaving a comment. If you haven’t read the post before this one (First page critic) plz read that one first before leaving a comment, and tell me if you agree, that this version is better and follows the subject or focus the reader attention better.


98,000 words

Valley of Swords



REMOVED... THX again to all those poeple that left a comment.